


one room, many thoughts

by Somethin_Strange



Series: of beyblades and broken promises [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: (sort of), Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Fear, HLVRAI, OSHA Codes, One Shot, Panic Attacks, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tommy had a special interest in OSHA codes, Tommy is scared, Tommy-centric, it's my fanfic and i get to choose what was a joke and what wasn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:47:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26168131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somethin_Strange/pseuds/Somethin_Strange
Summary: When Gordon found Tommy in Act 3, Part 2, he was alone.  This is a look into his thoughts right before they teamed up again, and what he thought about this whole Black Mesa mess.
Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & The G-Man
Series: of beyblades and broken promises [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1900309
Comments: 9
Kudos: 68





	one room, many thoughts

Thomas Coolatta stood alone.

The room around him pulsed and glowed green from green chemicals, probably radioactive waste; It looked sort of pretty in a dangerous sort of way.

He’d had enough of danger, quite frankly. He’d spent the last few days running around scared out of his wits, barely knowing how to aim.

It was strange, wasn’t it? Seeing his closest friends die and die and die but somehow come back good as new.

What if something in Black Mesa was reviving them?

Were his friends okay, what if they were hurt?

What if Mr. Freeman was hurt?

What if Mr. Freeman was dead?

Questions circled around his head, overwhelming him. It was an endless stream of ‘ _ what if, what if, what if... _ ’ that drove him to the brink. 

This was all his fault, wasn’t it? If only Tommy had made Mr. Freeman push the sample slower. If only he had found out about Bubby and Benrey’s betrayals earlier. If only he had been taken by the soldiers instead of Mr. Freeman. If only Tommy’s dad was here, he could fix things.

_ What if, what if, what if. _

_ If only, if only, if only. _

It maddened him.

The scientist paced the floor, trying to silence his thoughts.  _ But the ‘what if...’ _ s and the ‘ _ if only... _ ’s were driving him crazy with worry.

He only started to fear it when he started to hyperventilate.

_ Calm down you idiot _ , he yelled internally,  _ calm down _ . _ You can’t afford a panic attack. _

But the room, oh god, the room was spinning and the walls were closing in and- 

Benrey and Bubby and Coomer weren’t ever going to look for him, he was going to be lost forever and-

And Mr. Freeman was dead forever and it was all Tommy’s fault, and-

And they never should have trusted him, all he did was ruin things and-

He was descending, descending into the depths of panic and fear and-

His legs couldn’t support him anymore, so he stumbled over to a wall and leaned against it. His breath was ragged and his eyes wide, he couldn’t stop shaking, his thoughts were racing.

_ Calm down. Calm down! You’re no use to anyone like this! _

A memory lightly floated in out of nowhere.

_ “Thomas. My son, you have to breathe.” _

_ “D-dad, I- I don’t- I’m dying-” _

_ “You’re not dying. Focus on one thing in this room and focus hard. It’ll help you, I promise.” _

_ “Hhh…” _

_ “What did you choose?” _

_ “Your tie, Dad.” _

_ “Tell me every thought you have about it.” _

_ “Every thought?” _

_ “No matter how small. Every thought.” _

_ Tommy had gone on a stammering rant that slowly, ever so slowly brought him back up from the depths. _

The Thomas of right now looked around the room, trembling. The green substance seemed to glow brighter at his distress.

_ OSHA codes: Hazard Communication/Hazard Classification _ , his mind whispered,  _ read them again _ .

He’d read through the thousands and thousands of pages of OSHA codes as a thirteen-year-old. It was all he talked about for the better part of a decade to his Dad, who always listened. 

These codes kept people safe and sound, especially people he cared about. It kept people safe and sound and ready to do the jobs they loved. These codes had kept him and Mr. Freeman and all of their friends safer then they would have been throughout their misadventures.

Maybe if he kept reciting these codes, they’d keep him safe from his panic.

_ The HCS definition of chemical is “any substance, or mixture of substances.” Thus, virtually any product is a “chemical.”  _

He wondered what kind of chemical this green substance was. He had guessed it was radioactive, but it wasn’t doing him any harm right now.

_ Any chemical substance or mixture as such terms are defined in the Toxic Substances Control Act, when subject to the labeling requirements of that Act and labeling regulations issued under that Act by the Environmental Protection Agency. _

This substance was, instead, all over the floor; Which was probably a violation.

Tommy’s breath was slowly, slowly returning to him. OSHA was meant to keep people safe and right now they were working. Not in the way they were intended, no, but endlessly cycling through the codes and regulations was giving him respite.

In this endless ocean of doubt and fear and uncertainty, these codes had tossed him a line.

His trembling slowed.

His panic had settled from a hurricane to a low fog; Still there but not as all-consuming.

He stayed there, steadying his breathing, for a while. The rest of the team could wait a few more minutes (if they were even waiting for him).

(They probably weren’t, were they?)

Even though he was still shaking, he forced himself to get up. The green chemical had gotten onto the edge of his coat, and he didn’t have time to test if it was hazardous or not.

He would’ve loved to do that though. Dr. Coomer maybe would have helped him, and perhaps Bubby could be roped in as well.

Benrey could provide moral support or something.

And Mr. Freeman, he could-

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut.

No, he refused to delve back into an anxiety attack, he refused.

He ran an anxious hand through his hair as he shivered again, slowly stabilizing. Slowly calming down.

_ There we go, slowly. You’re going to be fine. Somethings gonna come along and either help you or kill you and then everything will be fine. _

_ And hey, if you die, you get to see Mr. Freeman again. _

And with a shout from the walls, his whole world view flipped.

“-MMY! TOMMY, UP HERE!”

The scientist’s head shot up at the familiar voice, eyes widening. 

Because there, in all of his glory, was a still-alive Gordon Freeman.

And maybe that’s a sign from the universe- One saying “get your stuff together, Thomas.”

Tommy took a step towards Mr. Freeman.

Towards an uncertain future.

And maybe that’s just what he needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! More Tommy angst/introspection will most likely be coming soon.  
> Have a fantastic day/afternoon/night/whenever you're reading this! If you'd like, please drop a comment, they make my day! :)


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